The New Normal

Day 8 since my "breakdown".

I'm better, feeling like my "normal" self I guess? I told my friend today that I'm ready for life to go back to normal, but I know it never will. It hasn't been "normal" for a year now, and especially in the past 6 months.

She told me, I was right. But it will get better. And I will find a new normal. 

A new normal.

I'm cool with that. Because I'm cool with whatever plan God has for me. If my new normal includes some people and doesn't include others, it will be hard to move on, but you gotta do what you gotta do.

I have this same conversation with my Lord.

"Can I be done with this yet?"

"Not yet."

"I don't want to be here anymore."

"But I'm using you here, so you have to stay."

And then, we move on.

I move on. Because I've been doing this for almost 20 years. And my relationship with Christ has grown abundantly in these times when I don't want to be here. He uses everything.

So imagine my hurt and surprise when I open up to my husband, who I trusted, while in the midst of one of these times... And he freaked out. Didn't know what to do. And turned from me.

Man. That. Hurt.

But you know who didn't freak out and turn from me? You know who knew exactly what to say toget me out of that bed?

My Father in Heaven. As always.

He's had the words to say for years and He will for years to come. And I take great refuge in that.

I am a sinner. I get jealous and angry and hurt. I feed into Satan's lies and traps for me. But God never gives up on me. He never leaves me, never forsakes me. So I will do my best to stay obedient and faithful.

So here's to my new normal.

And my everlasting God.