Sunrise

I fell asleep at 4:50, and at 5:50 I awoke to the sounds of car doors slamming shut.

I am watching the sunrise, light shining in through my blinds, and yet here I lay in the darkest place I've been in my short life.
30 years isn't really that long of a life.

And my heart is not breaking, it is completely broken. Physical pain pounds as I hear my children being whisked away in the early morning hours from me.
I get a soft, safe kiss on my forehead.
Don't wake the beast.

Now I'm home alone. The world continues on, my closest make plans on how to fix me. How to get the old me back.
She's gone. She can never come back, she's been broken beyond repair this time.
One thing after another.

The sun shines in and all I can think about are those 4 kids. Taken away, without a word. I have no choice.
It may only be for the day, they'll come back when their dad comes home.
Their dad, who doesn't want to come home to the beast. He's mad.
He told me he's mad. At me for being like this.
As if I could help it.

So hurt. Alone. No one on my side. No one has my back.
They want me to see someone.
The last time I told someone how I felt, you took my kids away from me for a few days and my husband didn't want to come home to me.
Why would I talk to anyone else?

"Medicine might help you." Change my reality? My personality?
Make things easier. That's what life is all about.
Easy way out.
I know the easy way out. But I won't allow myself to get that far.

The sun is shining. The sun always rises in the morning. The dawning of a new day, a new chance.



And I'm in the darkest place.