Doubt...the opposite of hope?

So, as I was doing laundry I was getting excited because slowly but surely I am getting things done around here! If you've known me for almost any length of time, you know I struggle with housework. And for those of you who saw my room when I was still living at home, you know that this has been a life long struggle :) So put that together with Daniel, who needless to say has the same issue, and two crazy kids, and our house is trashed compared to my friends houses. I know this is where Tammie would come in and say, "you should see my house right now!" I've seen your house, Momma T, wanna trade? haha So, anyway, I was loading the washing machine and thought, wow I am almost getting this done! Maybe I will actually get everything clean the way I want it and be able to keep it up this time! Then comes the doubt, otherwise known as Satan.... What makes you think it will be different this time? Everyone is just going to keep making the same messes. You are going to be the only one around here who cares. What's the point of keeping this house clean when its falling apart around you. You don't have the discipline to keep your house clean. Its too much work to do everyday, you have too much on your plate already. ENOUGH! I want to yell! But usually I don't realize what is happening. I buy into all the "mind games" I guess he throws at me, and here I am trying to dig my way out of it again! This time, though God has given me eyes to see and recognize what is TRUTH and what isn't. I believe with all my heart I have been called to be a mother and wife. I have known this from a very early age and now I've got it! So what am I doing with it? Being lazy, sinful, and not doing my job. Now I've known that for a while, my lack of effort but I have done nothing about it because of all my doubts and fears. I really want to be different. Be a better wife to Daniel, less bossy, more submissive. Be a better mother, caregiver, example for my children. Give them the kind of discipline I lack, so they can be the kind of kids God wants them to be. So how can I stop the doubt?? Obvious answer, only with God. But what do I do? Read my Bible? Pray? Of course, those will give me the tools and state of mind to recognize when I'm doing it, but I guess its one of those "small sins" that we think don't really matter because it isn't hurting anyone. No one else can see into my head and know what my doubts and fears are, so I don't have to talk about them. I don't have to admit that I don't fully put my trust in this or fully believe that will actually happen. Well, here I go. Putting it all out there. I have serious doubts. About situations, people, and for sure, myself. I just told you about one of my struggles, house work and how I don't really believe I can do it, and that its worth it. But I KNOW that God is right here with me as I write this, telling me... "I've got it! Why do you doubt me? Haven't you seen what I've done? Haven't you read about what I've done? Look outside, see the trees? The rain falling? The whole order of nature? Look at Brad and Gracie! I did that! Think about the story of Lazarus, that was Me! I'm still that God, I'm still in control of everything, and I'm still capable to handle you and everything in your life. And you doubt me? Ye of little faith." Yep, nothing like a smack down from your Daddy to make you see things straight. I guess since I didn't get too many of those from my real Dad, its a little bit of a struggle for me to trust in the Lord with all my heart. But NO excuses. God has called me to a life that is not my own. I have HOPE, and am trying daily to get rid of the doubt. What is there to doubt when your life is in God's hands? I think I've said enough for today. Sorry if it doesn't make sense :) I just needed to get those thoughts out! Hopefully God will use them in some way.... I KNOW God will use them in some way :) DAY FOURTEEN: A picture of someone you could not imagine your life without

Obvious but TRUE answer :)

~Candi