Love and Marriage, Love and Marriage
This topic has been on my mind all month. I've held off on writing on it, because... well honestly I don't know why. Something has been holding me back... but after a video I watched this morning, I knew I had to get my feelings out... so I took to my trusty blog! :-)
I've been married for 9 years. Dan and I have been together for 11 years next month. And let me tell you... we don't have it all figured out. I bet if you ask someone who has been together for 20 years, 30 years, even 50 years, they don't have it all figured out.
So how can we have a successful marriage? Church answer, God. Real answer, God! God created marriage as a picture of Christ's love for the church. The video I watched today even said that Christ proposed to us on the cross. And we then get to decide our answer. Will we say yes?
When we are proposed to in this life by our boyfriend/girlfriend. There are a lot of factors to consider before you give your answer. Do we share beliefs on this? Am I willing to move? How are we going to manage money? Will we both have to work? Where will we go to church? Will we buy a house? Etc.
When we accept Jesus' proposal, there are a lot of things to think or as well! What does it mean to accept this offer? What is required of me? What will I have to change? Etc.
But ultimately ( I think anyway) we say yes because we are in love.
So here's the tricky part... after the vows. You're done right? You're married so life is good. Yes it is good, until it isn't!!
I've heard recently quite a few times whether amongst my friends, or in entertainment news, even on Divorce Court yesterday which was on in the background in my bedroom...
I want to get a divorce because we just aren't in love anymore.
Now I don't know the full situation with a lot of these instances, but I do know the full situation in my life and let me tell you, we've been there. Through our 9 years of marriage we have been through quite a load of trials, let me tell you. And of course there have been times (I think especially in the first 10 years when you start having children and learning how to be a "real" adult) when have "fallen out of love."
Let me tell you what we did about it. We fought, we told each other all the things they were doing wrong. How we weren't fulfilling each other and making each other happy. We became like room mates at time that slept in the same bed. We were stressed and unhappy. This is the point where a lot of people aren't happy, aren't satisfied so they just give up.
But PRAISE THE LORD, God was working in our lives. We knew that we loved each other. And we knew that God created our relationship and our marriage and that we didn't have the option to get divorced. When we said those vows, we meant them. Because we weren't only vowing those to each other, but we made a covenant with our Holy Father that we were in it til the end. And God has been working in us ever since. Do we still "fight" ( I just call them discussions, haha). Of course! We are human, and we fall, we aren't perfect. But we are learning how to manage each other's feelings, emotions, schedules, mannerisms, flaws, etc. We are growing up together!
The main thing God has shown us, I believe, is that we cannot fulfill each other fully. If we aren't seeking the Lord, if we aren't growing in our relationship with Him, there will always be something missing. And when something is missing, we live in a culture where there are "fast fixes" everywhere. Food, TV, shopping, a cocktail, whatever it may be. And when we don't get our fast fix, we start blaming. "You were supposed to be my everything. You are supposed to love me like this. Why don't you do this for me? Why don't you tell me this?"
I've been so guilty of this (my poor husband). I am by nature, and very insecure person. Sometimes I need to be told how wonderful I am, lol. But I am looking for it in the wrong place!!!
If I spend time with my Heavenly Father, He has written a whole book to tell me how much He loves me! He's going to tell me the story of how He gave up His ONLY Son (Moms think about that for a minute) to save my life, so that we could have a relationship, and talk, and He could take care of me, and change me, and even use me as a beacon to Him!!
Now isn't that love?
I love my husband. I am in love with my husband. We have ups and downs as anyone does. But we are in this marriage for life. We are in this marriage with God. And we are learning how to work to keep the flame burning. With our relationship as spouses, with our relationship as parents, and with our relationship as Christians.
It's hard, but Jesus said, "Come to Me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light." Matthew 11:28-30
So don't give up. Things get hard, but who said this life was easy? Work hard to keep your marriage alive, and mostly keep it alive by keeping Christ in your marriage. It sounds cheesy, but it'll change everything. As they say on Yo Gabba Gabba
"Keep trying, keep trying! Don't give up, never give up!" :-)
Candi
I've been married for 9 years. Dan and I have been together for 11 years next month. And let me tell you... we don't have it all figured out. I bet if you ask someone who has been together for 20 years, 30 years, even 50 years, they don't have it all figured out.
So how can we have a successful marriage? Church answer, God. Real answer, God! God created marriage as a picture of Christ's love for the church. The video I watched today even said that Christ proposed to us on the cross. And we then get to decide our answer. Will we say yes?
When we are proposed to in this life by our boyfriend/girlfriend. There are a lot of factors to consider before you give your answer. Do we share beliefs on this? Am I willing to move? How are we going to manage money? Will we both have to work? Where will we go to church? Will we buy a house? Etc.
When we accept Jesus' proposal, there are a lot of things to think or as well! What does it mean to accept this offer? What is required of me? What will I have to change? Etc.
But ultimately ( I think anyway) we say yes because we are in love.
So here's the tricky part... after the vows. You're done right? You're married so life is good. Yes it is good, until it isn't!!
I've heard recently quite a few times whether amongst my friends, or in entertainment news, even on Divorce Court yesterday which was on in the background in my bedroom...
I want to get a divorce because we just aren't in love anymore.
Now I don't know the full situation with a lot of these instances, but I do know the full situation in my life and let me tell you, we've been there. Through our 9 years of marriage we have been through quite a load of trials, let me tell you. And of course there have been times (I think especially in the first 10 years when you start having children and learning how to be a "real" adult) when have "fallen out of love."
Let me tell you what we did about it. We fought, we told each other all the things they were doing wrong. How we weren't fulfilling each other and making each other happy. We became like room mates at time that slept in the same bed. We were stressed and unhappy. This is the point where a lot of people aren't happy, aren't satisfied so they just give up.
But PRAISE THE LORD, God was working in our lives. We knew that we loved each other. And we knew that God created our relationship and our marriage and that we didn't have the option to get divorced. When we said those vows, we meant them. Because we weren't only vowing those to each other, but we made a covenant with our Holy Father that we were in it til the end. And God has been working in us ever since. Do we still "fight" ( I just call them discussions, haha). Of course! We are human, and we fall, we aren't perfect. But we are learning how to manage each other's feelings, emotions, schedules, mannerisms, flaws, etc. We are growing up together!
The main thing God has shown us, I believe, is that we cannot fulfill each other fully. If we aren't seeking the Lord, if we aren't growing in our relationship with Him, there will always be something missing. And when something is missing, we live in a culture where there are "fast fixes" everywhere. Food, TV, shopping, a cocktail, whatever it may be. And when we don't get our fast fix, we start blaming. "You were supposed to be my everything. You are supposed to love me like this. Why don't you do this for me? Why don't you tell me this?"
I've been so guilty of this (my poor husband). I am by nature, and very insecure person. Sometimes I need to be told how wonderful I am, lol. But I am looking for it in the wrong place!!!
If I spend time with my Heavenly Father, He has written a whole book to tell me how much He loves me! He's going to tell me the story of how He gave up His ONLY Son (Moms think about that for a minute) to save my life, so that we could have a relationship, and talk, and He could take care of me, and change me, and even use me as a beacon to Him!!
Now isn't that love?
I love my husband. I am in love with my husband. We have ups and downs as anyone does. But we are in this marriage for life. We are in this marriage with God. And we are learning how to work to keep the flame burning. With our relationship as spouses, with our relationship as parents, and with our relationship as Christians.
It's hard, but Jesus said, "Come to Me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light." Matthew 11:28-30
So don't give up. Things get hard, but who said this life was easy? Work hard to keep your marriage alive, and mostly keep it alive by keeping Christ in your marriage. It sounds cheesy, but it'll change everything. As they say on Yo Gabba Gabba
"Keep trying, keep trying! Don't give up, never give up!" :-)
Candi
Well, if that was rambling on....ramble on sister! Well said, my little girl is growing up! I love you sweet girl!
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