The Trouble With Mother's Day

So, we are an hour and a half out from concluding yet another Mother's Day. Today our news feed on social media was bombarded with smiling women and those the hold dearest in their hearts. Lots of being thankful for our Moms, or for the children who made us a Mom.

And, I know, I know... we should be thankful for these people every day. And of course we are!
But let's face it. Not all day every day.
There is a scene in one of the Sex and the City movies (yes, I watch them and love them, shocking, I know) where one girl says she feels happy every day.
MH: "You feel happy every day??"
CG: "Not all day every day, but every day."
CB: "When was the last time you felt happy?"
MH: "Six months ago...."

Sometimes, I feel like that. My sinful flesh takes over, my depression takes over, my emotions take over, and I get stuck in utter unhappiness.
I've become a functioning depressed person. And it's not really funny. I have learned how to get through the days so I can make it to the nights where I can sleep. Because sleep is my escape.
However, there are moments, every day. Even just one second long, where there is happiness. Joy.
I am one blessed girl. And God hasn't left me, even in my mental illness pit.

So, what does all of this have to do with Mother's Day? Well, I have been a Mommy for 10 years now. I have had 11 Mother's Days, starting with my very first when I was carrying my first born. I was expecting grand gestures. For my husband to show me just how much he valued and appreciated me as the mother of his child (even though at that point, I hadn't done much "mothering" yet). He tried. He did not quite succeed, but he sure tried.
After that year.... nothing.
Every year I hope it'll be different. Every year it gets worse. I used to get the midnight Walmart run greeting card and roses. For every holiday. That quickly stopped. Now I get nothing. I didn't even get a "Happy Mother's Day."
Thank goodness for teachers who have their students make little pictures and things because that's all I get.
I am 4 kids in now. And my mothering hours are off the charts. And this holiday kills me.
Show your Mom how much you appreciate her! And my kids try, boy do they try. Last year my oldest daughter brought me breakfast in bed.... a peanut butter sandwich and water. Because that's all she knew how to make. And I'll cherish that forever.
But I have a hard time not reading into the lack of thought or heart that goes into these holidays. I mean, it's the same for every holiday. Mother's Day, nothing. My birthday, nothing. Anniversary, nothing. Valentine's Day, nothing. Not even a "Happy (holiday)."

I mean, you guys would take this personally, too right? Your chance to show your love/appreciation/whatever, and nothing. And you see all over social media what everyone is doing for their loved ones, so it's not like you don't know...

This is the trouble with Mother's Day. There are Mommas out there who work HARD. Who give everything they have, who break themselves for their children. And if they aren't recognized on this day, they begin to question their worth as a Mom. It hurts.

And I can't even go into the pain of not having a Mom on Mother's Day. For those who have lost their Mom and still survive this day, you are amazing. And for the people who long to be celebrated on this day, but have no children, I pray God fills that space in your heart you are reserving for your babies. And for the girls who, like me, have a Mom who chooses not to be a part of your life extensively. I feel ya. For those times when all you need is your Mom to hug you and tell you that you are ok, and there is no one. No one can replace your Mom. And when you feel rejected by your own mother, that's a whoke new kind of pain. So for these hurting on Mother's Day, go to sleep. Tomorrow it's back to the grind. The thankless, gruel, exhausting, but oh so amazing and totally worth it work we do in raising children.

My children are my greatest blessing. I dare not take them for granted. I am thankful that, even though I am not a fan of Mother's Day, I get to celebrate .❤