Ministry in the Mess
It's been a while, and a lot of life has happened since. I constantly feel the need to write and share, but anxiety always creeps in and tells me its too much, no one cares, and you have nothing to say. I am currently on week 2 of Bible study all about embracing your story and sharing it to the glory of God. I am learning how I am qualified to share because God has given me a story as long as I have breath in my lungs. There is no story too small to glorify Him. No story too unimportant, or too awful or too similar or too heartbreaking that He can't use to show Himself and His great power to others.
Of course, this doesn't mean I should immediately share all of my business on social media or sit down and write a book to try and get published for the world to read. My story is meant for certain people. I am meant to share my story as a piece in the lives of those He brings to me. I don't know who they all may be, but I know who some of them are, and I know He will always provide more.
The study starts out with encouraging you to start sharing your story with your core group of trusted people. It has you actually list the people you are going to share your story with and then asks how it went...
Cue anxiety.
Immediately I look for excuses. My story has been told a hundred times. They already know most of it because we are kind of living it all together. Its not that bad, I don't want to make it seem like a bigger deal than it is. We are in isolation for goodness sake! This isn't something you can do over a video chat or a text message... (I don't do phone calls.) I don't even really have a core group of people. The excuses pour out of me like a faucet until finally I just turn it off. I wrote "I don't want to" on my paper and moved on.
Life is pretty messy. I think we can all attest to that, especially during a time such as this when no one really knows what to expect and the information we do know seems to change with every hour that goes by. We are all living in a world of uncertainty, fear, waiting, and mess.
I've been living in this space long before Corona came to town, though. Circumstances in my life for the past several years have left me in a constant state of not knowing what terrors wait around the corner. When the other shoe will drop. When the mess will finally come knocking on my door and affect those I love. And then it did.
Mixed emotions run through my mind and heart with every breath. One minute I'm heartbroken, then I"m anxious with the "what ifs", then I'm mad. Like, really really mad. Then I feel guilty. Then I feel like there are consequences to every action, be it good or bad. Then I feel a deep sense of sorrow and longing for what once was. Then I cycle through them all over again because the sorrow breaks my heart and I don't know how long it will last.
The truth is, in this world you will have suffering. No doubt about it. And it won't ever end on this side of Heaven. The idea of that is heavy and unbearable. BUT, Jesus tells us to take heart! Be courageous! He has already overcome this world. {John 16:33} He has already made a way through the mess. We just need to follow Him or we will get stuck in the muck.He also told us we don't have to carry the heaviness of this world {Psalm 55:22, Matthew 11:28-30}. Let Him carry the baggage because He is strong enough to bear it.
What freedom there is in the promise and hope and grace of Christ. Man am I thankful that He chose to call me His. Today I recorded a children's sermon for the small group of kiddos that attend my church. Every Sunday morning there is a wave of videos from pastors and teachers that floods Facebook. Its easy to do the compare game and feel bad that you didn't have cool games or object lessons or fun songs to dance to. Its also easy to see the incredible amount of teaching and think no one really needs to hear you. There are so many options out there, its really overwhelming of what to watch! But if I've learned one thing in my ministry through COVID-19, its that my story matters. I am called to reach a specific group. That group may constantly change and I may never see the seeds planted, but I know as long as I am faithful, God will do the growing.{1Cor 3:5-9}
Aren't you thankful that in the middle of all the mess, God still works?There is still ministry in the mess. ❤
Of course, this doesn't mean I should immediately share all of my business on social media or sit down and write a book to try and get published for the world to read. My story is meant for certain people. I am meant to share my story as a piece in the lives of those He brings to me. I don't know who they all may be, but I know who some of them are, and I know He will always provide more.
The study starts out with encouraging you to start sharing your story with your core group of trusted people. It has you actually list the people you are going to share your story with and then asks how it went...
Cue anxiety.
Immediately I look for excuses. My story has been told a hundred times. They already know most of it because we are kind of living it all together. Its not that bad, I don't want to make it seem like a bigger deal than it is. We are in isolation for goodness sake! This isn't something you can do over a video chat or a text message... (I don't do phone calls.) I don't even really have a core group of people. The excuses pour out of me like a faucet until finally I just turn it off. I wrote "I don't want to" on my paper and moved on.
Life is pretty messy. I think we can all attest to that, especially during a time such as this when no one really knows what to expect and the information we do know seems to change with every hour that goes by. We are all living in a world of uncertainty, fear, waiting, and mess.
I've been living in this space long before Corona came to town, though. Circumstances in my life for the past several years have left me in a constant state of not knowing what terrors wait around the corner. When the other shoe will drop. When the mess will finally come knocking on my door and affect those I love. And then it did.
Mixed emotions run through my mind and heart with every breath. One minute I'm heartbroken, then I"m anxious with the "what ifs", then I'm mad. Like, really really mad. Then I feel guilty. Then I feel like there are consequences to every action, be it good or bad. Then I feel a deep sense of sorrow and longing for what once was. Then I cycle through them all over again because the sorrow breaks my heart and I don't know how long it will last.
The truth is, in this world you will have suffering. No doubt about it. And it won't ever end on this side of Heaven. The idea of that is heavy and unbearable. BUT, Jesus tells us to take heart! Be courageous! He has already overcome this world. {John 16:33} He has already made a way through the mess. We just need to follow Him or we will get stuck in the muck.He also told us we don't have to carry the heaviness of this world {Psalm 55:22, Matthew 11:28-30}. Let Him carry the baggage because He is strong enough to bear it.
What freedom there is in the promise and hope and grace of Christ. Man am I thankful that He chose to call me His. Today I recorded a children's sermon for the small group of kiddos that attend my church. Every Sunday morning there is a wave of videos from pastors and teachers that floods Facebook. Its easy to do the compare game and feel bad that you didn't have cool games or object lessons or fun songs to dance to. Its also easy to see the incredible amount of teaching and think no one really needs to hear you. There are so many options out there, its really overwhelming of what to watch! But if I've learned one thing in my ministry through COVID-19, its that my story matters. I am called to reach a specific group. That group may constantly change and I may never see the seeds planted, but I know as long as I am faithful, God will do the growing.{1Cor 3:5-9}
Aren't you thankful that in the middle of all the mess, God still works?There is still ministry in the mess. ❤
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