Heavy Lifting
Isn't there some saying about how you are crazy if you keep doing the same thing and expect a different outcome? Let's just say, I'm feeling a little crazy these days... okay a lot crazy.
Its been over a year of the heaviest trials of my life. Some have ended, and given me great blessings. Some have got better, some haven't. And of course there are always new ones along the way.
I know that in this life, I will always have trials. But MAN are they getting heavy.
I used to ask my 3 year old the bring me something, or to pick something up and move it. "Its too heavy Momma! I can't do it!" So, of course, I swoop in and take care of it.
I know that I know that God will swoop in and take care of it, but it may not look like I want it to. And it sure isn't going to be in my timing.
So here I sit, weighed down by the trials. They are too heavy, but God is stronger than them all. I can't lift them on my own, but I don't have to!!!
This wonderful 3 day weekend seems to have a dark cloud over it for me. I have wonderful things planned with people I love! I just can't seem to find my out of the cloud.
Here are some ways I am trying to get better:
1. I am trying to walk every weekday after I drop my kiddos off at school. It makes me feel better, accomplished, boosts my self esteem, and I know taking care of this body I've been given is pleasing to the Lord.
2. I make it my goal to write in my prayer journal everyday. I haven't yet accomplished that goal, but every time I finish a page, I really do feel lighter. Hashing every thing out in writing and to my God is very therapeutic for me. Writing gives me a sense of release (hence my blog!)
3. I have two apps on my phone that give me the Word daily. I have a devotion app called "The First 5" which has an alarm that goes off at 8:30 every morning, inviting me to hear what the Lord has for me today.. its been wonderful. I also have a Bible app where you can download reading and devotion plans. I have the Chronological plan going all the time (which I am constantly having to reset to catch up on!) I open this app after my first 5 app and read the daily chapters. Then I usually have a topical reading plan picked out for whatever is going on in my life. This whole process takes MAYBE 15 mins. And it is worth it every day.
4. Limiting when I use the word, "YES." I would get bogged down and overbooked because I wanted to be a part of everything! I need to bring all opportunities to the Lord and do what He would have me. I will only succeed if I am letting Him use me for His glory. My schedule is already pretty booked with my 4 kiddos dr appointments anyway, haha.
5. I have never had a problem putting myself in other people's shoes. I have never had a problem putting others before myself. I am trying to find that balance of being the "last person" the way the Bible says, but also not letting people use and walk all over me. Its tough, I would give you my last 10 dollars if you asked me, when I really needed that to buy diapers. Along with learning when not to say yes, I need to learn when to say no and HOW to say it.
6. And this last one seems to be the hardest for me. I need to learn how to put as much into my relationships as I would like for them to put in for me. Marriage, friendships, my children, my family. Sometimes I get wrapped up in the fear of being rejected (which gives me MAJOR anxiety... that's why I don't like to initiate conversations!) but I need to let that go and make more of an effort. I can't expect everyone to do for me what I'm not doing for them.
I KNOW that as heavy as my life is right now. Its all organized that way by God. I KNOW that everything He does is to bring Him glory. I KNOW that He will never leave me... OR FORSAKE ME. He's got me!! I have been in that pit. It was really dark, really heavy. But He was there with me, too. And He was the only one I could talk to. Now I'm out, and life is heavy, but I believe its because God has me training for something. You can't walk up to 100 lbs weights and immediately lift them. You have to train. He's got plans, I want to be a part of them. So I am praising Him. For who He is, for what He does, and for what He has planned.
Its really heavy right now. And it may always be. But He's so strong, He's got the whole world in His hands!
Its been over a year of the heaviest trials of my life. Some have ended, and given me great blessings. Some have got better, some haven't. And of course there are always new ones along the way.
I know that in this life, I will always have trials. But MAN are they getting heavy.
I used to ask my 3 year old the bring me something, or to pick something up and move it. "Its too heavy Momma! I can't do it!" So, of course, I swoop in and take care of it.
I know that I know that God will swoop in and take care of it, but it may not look like I want it to. And it sure isn't going to be in my timing.
So here I sit, weighed down by the trials. They are too heavy, but God is stronger than them all. I can't lift them on my own, but I don't have to!!!
This wonderful 3 day weekend seems to have a dark cloud over it for me. I have wonderful things planned with people I love! I just can't seem to find my out of the cloud.
Here are some ways I am trying to get better:
1. I am trying to walk every weekday after I drop my kiddos off at school. It makes me feel better, accomplished, boosts my self esteem, and I know taking care of this body I've been given is pleasing to the Lord.
2. I make it my goal to write in my prayer journal everyday. I haven't yet accomplished that goal, but every time I finish a page, I really do feel lighter. Hashing every thing out in writing and to my God is very therapeutic for me. Writing gives me a sense of release (hence my blog!)
3. I have two apps on my phone that give me the Word daily. I have a devotion app called "The First 5" which has an alarm that goes off at 8:30 every morning, inviting me to hear what the Lord has for me today.. its been wonderful. I also have a Bible app where you can download reading and devotion plans. I have the Chronological plan going all the time (which I am constantly having to reset to catch up on!) I open this app after my first 5 app and read the daily chapters. Then I usually have a topical reading plan picked out for whatever is going on in my life. This whole process takes MAYBE 15 mins. And it is worth it every day.
4. Limiting when I use the word, "YES." I would get bogged down and overbooked because I wanted to be a part of everything! I need to bring all opportunities to the Lord and do what He would have me. I will only succeed if I am letting Him use me for His glory. My schedule is already pretty booked with my 4 kiddos dr appointments anyway, haha.
5. I have never had a problem putting myself in other people's shoes. I have never had a problem putting others before myself. I am trying to find that balance of being the "last person" the way the Bible says, but also not letting people use and walk all over me. Its tough, I would give you my last 10 dollars if you asked me, when I really needed that to buy diapers. Along with learning when not to say yes, I need to learn when to say no and HOW to say it.
6. And this last one seems to be the hardest for me. I need to learn how to put as much into my relationships as I would like for them to put in for me. Marriage, friendships, my children, my family. Sometimes I get wrapped up in the fear of being rejected (which gives me MAJOR anxiety... that's why I don't like to initiate conversations!) but I need to let that go and make more of an effort. I can't expect everyone to do for me what I'm not doing for them.
I KNOW that as heavy as my life is right now. Its all organized that way by God. I KNOW that everything He does is to bring Him glory. I KNOW that He will never leave me... OR FORSAKE ME. He's got me!! I have been in that pit. It was really dark, really heavy. But He was there with me, too. And He was the only one I could talk to. Now I'm out, and life is heavy, but I believe its because God has me training for something. You can't walk up to 100 lbs weights and immediately lift them. You have to train. He's got plans, I want to be a part of them. So I am praising Him. For who He is, for what He does, and for what He has planned.
Its really heavy right now. And it may always be. But He's so strong, He's got the whole world in His hands!
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