Life's the Pits Sometimes
Ok, so lets get real for a second....
I've been in a pit. And not just for like a week or even a month. It has been a SEASON of being in the pit. I'm talking 5 months of being stuck in a pit. And the crazy thing is, I've made my home there. I've gone on with "normal" life.
Ok, so obviously I'm not literally in a pit, you've all seen me out and about at school, church, wherever. But on the inside, I'm just a mess. Those closest to me pickup on it when it gets really bad, but as soon as anyone mentions it, I pull myself up a little bit, get a little closer to the top, and then once I'm alone I let myself sink back down. It's depression. Something I have struggled with since I was a teenager, and I keep laying it at God's feet, and then picking it back up!! Ugh why do I do that?!?!
THANKFULLY, God loves me. He waits patiently for me to look around, get sick of it, and call out for Him to reach down and pull me out. And He does. EVERY time. So here I am, right this second as I type this, in the pit. And before all of you, I am calling out to the Lord.
Father, please save me. Please put the pieces of my shattered heart back together. I know You've been there the whole time. I've seen You! Working in my life, ordaining all my "issues" into Your plan. And all the while, I'm watching this go on and still can't get out. And I know why. I've always known why. I'm trying to climb out on my own. I'm trying to fix myself in my own strength and there's no way! It never works. Only you can save me. I sing the song our God is mighty to save. And I truly believe it. And I know it! But I don't let You. I sing about Your great love and how You never give up on us, and it always brings me to tears because I KNOW that I KNOW that it is all true... and still I set up house in my pit. Father, rescue me again. And help me to burry myself in Your word and promises, so that the next time I'm about to fall in the pit again, I've got my armor on. I've got the helmet of salvation. I've got the breastplate of righteousness. Putting on my shoes of peace, because You know better than anyone that peace can be hard to come by in this world. But there is only true peace in you. I need to be so immersed in the truth so I can wear my belt and use it against the lies I'm told. I need to use my shield of faith and sword of the Spirit. Help me Lord. Amen.
Now its time for me to follow through. I don't need to wait until the New Year to make resolutions. I can resolve to change my priorities now. My biggest downfall is that when I don't feel "good" then everything around me starts to fall to the wayside... you should see my house. Seriously, you can usually tell what state of mind I am in based on what my house looks like. I know I've said this before. Its like I take one step forward and ten steps back. I get tired of fighting with it, so I just live with it! No more. I am publicly resolving to start with something seemingly easy and small. But God knows this is a major issues for me. Clean house. One room at a time. One area at a time. One thing at a time. And eventually, you did it.
I've got this motivation board on Pinterest. And I've noticed that a lot of people find really motivational quotes on there and share them. Some of them are so good that I pin them for myself... but then there are some that just make me sad. They are all about how you are strong enough. How if you never give up you can do anything you want all on your own. So then, when you can't do it all on your own, you bear the burden of thinking you aren't good enough. Not strong enough. Not capable enough. Its just not true!!! Those quotes aren't true! You can't do anything you want on your own! Some things, yes, God has given us the capacity to manage some things. And those things are different for everyone. But there are some things that you just CANNOT do alone. You can't handle them in your own strength. And you don't have to!!!! God puts things in our lives sometimes so that they only thing we can do is lean on Him so He can get us through. Some things are impossible. And then God handles it and He gets all the glory for it. That has been a hard lesson for me to learn! I've always heard people say that God won't give you more than you handle! Well, yeah He does! Often times He gives me more than I can handle (ask me how my summer went...) because He wants me to depend on Him. He wants to show me what He can do in a very real way. And He does! He gets the glory for the good things in my life. I didn't find Daniel a job, He did. I didn't work out a place for us to live, He did. He even blessed us with a child during one of our hardest times, and made sure that he grew exactly the way he is supposed to every step of the way while I endure sickness and pain. HE DID THAT! He gets the glory for the blessings in my life. Everyday I post something I am thankful for, and everything I put, its because of God.
So here I go, He's pulling me out of my pit. I'm ready to bask in the sunlight. Starting with my living room :-) Pray for me yall, I don't want to slide back in :-)
Love you all, Candi
I've been in a pit. And not just for like a week or even a month. It has been a SEASON of being in the pit. I'm talking 5 months of being stuck in a pit. And the crazy thing is, I've made my home there. I've gone on with "normal" life.
Ok, so obviously I'm not literally in a pit, you've all seen me out and about at school, church, wherever. But on the inside, I'm just a mess. Those closest to me pickup on it when it gets really bad, but as soon as anyone mentions it, I pull myself up a little bit, get a little closer to the top, and then once I'm alone I let myself sink back down. It's depression. Something I have struggled with since I was a teenager, and I keep laying it at God's feet, and then picking it back up!! Ugh why do I do that?!?!
THANKFULLY, God loves me. He waits patiently for me to look around, get sick of it, and call out for Him to reach down and pull me out. And He does. EVERY time. So here I am, right this second as I type this, in the pit. And before all of you, I am calling out to the Lord.
Father, please save me. Please put the pieces of my shattered heart back together. I know You've been there the whole time. I've seen You! Working in my life, ordaining all my "issues" into Your plan. And all the while, I'm watching this go on and still can't get out. And I know why. I've always known why. I'm trying to climb out on my own. I'm trying to fix myself in my own strength and there's no way! It never works. Only you can save me. I sing the song our God is mighty to save. And I truly believe it. And I know it! But I don't let You. I sing about Your great love and how You never give up on us, and it always brings me to tears because I KNOW that I KNOW that it is all true... and still I set up house in my pit. Father, rescue me again. And help me to burry myself in Your word and promises, so that the next time I'm about to fall in the pit again, I've got my armor on. I've got the helmet of salvation. I've got the breastplate of righteousness. Putting on my shoes of peace, because You know better than anyone that peace can be hard to come by in this world. But there is only true peace in you. I need to be so immersed in the truth so I can wear my belt and use it against the lies I'm told. I need to use my shield of faith and sword of the Spirit. Help me Lord. Amen.
Now its time for me to follow through. I don't need to wait until the New Year to make resolutions. I can resolve to change my priorities now. My biggest downfall is that when I don't feel "good" then everything around me starts to fall to the wayside... you should see my house. Seriously, you can usually tell what state of mind I am in based on what my house looks like. I know I've said this before. Its like I take one step forward and ten steps back. I get tired of fighting with it, so I just live with it! No more. I am publicly resolving to start with something seemingly easy and small. But God knows this is a major issues for me. Clean house. One room at a time. One area at a time. One thing at a time. And eventually, you did it.
I've got this motivation board on Pinterest. And I've noticed that a lot of people find really motivational quotes on there and share them. Some of them are so good that I pin them for myself... but then there are some that just make me sad. They are all about how you are strong enough. How if you never give up you can do anything you want all on your own. So then, when you can't do it all on your own, you bear the burden of thinking you aren't good enough. Not strong enough. Not capable enough. Its just not true!!! Those quotes aren't true! You can't do anything you want on your own! Some things, yes, God has given us the capacity to manage some things. And those things are different for everyone. But there are some things that you just CANNOT do alone. You can't handle them in your own strength. And you don't have to!!!! God puts things in our lives sometimes so that they only thing we can do is lean on Him so He can get us through. Some things are impossible. And then God handles it and He gets all the glory for it. That has been a hard lesson for me to learn! I've always heard people say that God won't give you more than you handle! Well, yeah He does! Often times He gives me more than I can handle (ask me how my summer went...) because He wants me to depend on Him. He wants to show me what He can do in a very real way. And He does! He gets the glory for the good things in my life. I didn't find Daniel a job, He did. I didn't work out a place for us to live, He did. He even blessed us with a child during one of our hardest times, and made sure that he grew exactly the way he is supposed to every step of the way while I endure sickness and pain. HE DID THAT! He gets the glory for the blessings in my life. Everyday I post something I am thankful for, and everything I put, its because of God.
So here I go, He's pulling me out of my pit. I'm ready to bask in the sunlight. Starting with my living room :-) Pray for me yall, I don't want to slide back in :-)
Love you all, Candi
Comments
Post a Comment