I don't wanna.
Just to let you know, this post is totally raw and probably won't make sense to anyone, lol. You've been warned....
I am in a weird place. I don't know what the deal is, but I just cannot my feelings or thoughts or whatever it is, into words! And if you know me, I can never tell you how I feel, but give me a pen and paper and I can put exactly what I'm feelin on there....
I don't know! Maybe because there are things changing in my life and I HATE changing! Relationships are fading, kids are growing up, I'm growing up, and we're moving. I don't wanna....
My mom used to say that all the time when there was something she knew she had to do but didn't want to. She said it in a specific way that sounded like a little kid saying it, and I always thought it was funny.... but seriously, I don't wanna. I don't want to pack everything up. I was doing fine, but when the pile of boxes got to a certain point, I stopped and kind of did a mental block against packing. I was cleaning up, doing laundry, keeping up with things, but after a certain time of doing it, I just didn't want to anymore. I try to get on the right track with something, and after a certain point I just don't want to anymore. I'm sure I'm not the only one like this. We all have issues with getting into a habit of doing things, and we live in a world where the mentality seems to be, if you don't want to, then don't. I've adopted that in my own life, and its not right!
Ok, so I know all this what do I do about it? Knowing is half the battle a wise man once said ;-) The other half is doing! That's where the problem comes...
And as I sit here and write this, the thought is already going through my head, people are going to comment on this, or give me advice but I'm not going to follow it. Do they follow their own advice? Are they just like me, where they know exactly what they should be doing and how to do it, but don't? Probably.... so I'm writing this not to get advice as to how to get into gear and start doing instead of just knowing.... I'm just splurging my faults out and issues. People always talk about all their issues... everyone has issues and we are all still functioning in life. Quit whining about it and do something about it. They aren't going to go away. There will never be a time in this life where I won't have issues... I've had them my whole life, some small, some big, and some just big to me. And I've whined, been depressed, shut people out, layed in bed for days, ate WAY too much, and guess what... it didn't help.
So, Candice, stop whining, stop throwing a fit as I would tell my kids. Deal with the problems, and make your life what you want it to be.
If you read this, I'm sorry it was probably totally boring or just weird and confusing. This was for me to just get out, so thanks for reading.
Here's to a great weekend and the beginning of growing up a little more :-)
~Candi
I am in a weird place. I don't know what the deal is, but I just cannot my feelings or thoughts or whatever it is, into words! And if you know me, I can never tell you how I feel, but give me a pen and paper and I can put exactly what I'm feelin on there....
I don't know! Maybe because there are things changing in my life and I HATE changing! Relationships are fading, kids are growing up, I'm growing up, and we're moving. I don't wanna....
My mom used to say that all the time when there was something she knew she had to do but didn't want to. She said it in a specific way that sounded like a little kid saying it, and I always thought it was funny.... but seriously, I don't wanna. I don't want to pack everything up. I was doing fine, but when the pile of boxes got to a certain point, I stopped and kind of did a mental block against packing. I was cleaning up, doing laundry, keeping up with things, but after a certain time of doing it, I just didn't want to anymore. I try to get on the right track with something, and after a certain point I just don't want to anymore. I'm sure I'm not the only one like this. We all have issues with getting into a habit of doing things, and we live in a world where the mentality seems to be, if you don't want to, then don't. I've adopted that in my own life, and its not right!
Ok, so I know all this what do I do about it? Knowing is half the battle a wise man once said ;-) The other half is doing! That's where the problem comes...
And as I sit here and write this, the thought is already going through my head, people are going to comment on this, or give me advice but I'm not going to follow it. Do they follow their own advice? Are they just like me, where they know exactly what they should be doing and how to do it, but don't? Probably.... so I'm writing this not to get advice as to how to get into gear and start doing instead of just knowing.... I'm just splurging my faults out and issues. People always talk about all their issues... everyone has issues and we are all still functioning in life. Quit whining about it and do something about it. They aren't going to go away. There will never be a time in this life where I won't have issues... I've had them my whole life, some small, some big, and some just big to me. And I've whined, been depressed, shut people out, layed in bed for days, ate WAY too much, and guess what... it didn't help.
So, Candice, stop whining, stop throwing a fit as I would tell my kids. Deal with the problems, and make your life what you want it to be.
If you read this, I'm sorry it was probably totally boring or just weird and confusing. This was for me to just get out, so thanks for reading.
Here's to a great weekend and the beginning of growing up a little more :-)
~Candi
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